Stronger

Walter Valentine Shevchik
June 5th, 1915 - April 19th, 2008

I am repeating this post from Myspace because I am not sure if people actually read both posts. Presently I am dealing with the death of my father whom I loved tremendously. I cared for him in my home for the last 18 years. He was an integral part of our lives and for the last year he required 24 hour care. This care was not often pleasant and impacted our lives immensely but we were willing to do it for him because we gained much by knowing and living with Pop. Our interactions with "Grandpa" were worth the effort that his care required.

Now I am establishing new routines for my life.

Like any time you begin to change routines...it is tough at first. There are certain times of the day that are more difficult than others. When I was caring for Grandpa the mornings were the most important. Mornings were very labor intensive but also filled with meaningful interactions. I miss the good parts of the mornings. However, I find that I appreciate the sunshine and warmth in a different way since I now see and feel the sun through his perceptions since it was so critical for him.

Many people have told me to keep busy and fill my void... for me it's just the opposite. First I need to find a quiet space ... a place to be still.. a place to be 100% in my surroundings without the distractions of phones, texts, and voices.... a place where I can breathe and find my own inner voice. A place where I can find a new way of feeling Pop around me. There is still the "rolling grief" where I tear up but I've found that the best way for me to deal with it is to feel it and let it pass over me. I am strong and I always come out the other side OK. If I fight it, it becomes stronger. I have the capacity to feel strongly and live deeply. Nothing is closing off but opening to greater depth.

Live.....laugh.....Love.....