It Just Happens.....

Lately I have been caught between two worlds and it takes a lot of energy. Since August I have had one foot in last year and one foot in this year. Events happened so fast last year and I had no time to really feel them...it was more of do what had to be done ~ especially concerning my dad. I find myself stopping at different intervals (usually when I least expect it) and reflecting on what was happening last year at this time. Like last year at this time Grandpa had been in the hospital several times and was in the Life Care therapy program because he had lost the ability to walk and he was getting ready for the Halloween parade. I was spending most of my time traveling back and forth to be with him as much as possible. Now when I relive the events I can feel the whole emotional impact of the events from my side and Grandpa's side. Last year I had to just react unemotionally and try to do what we thought was best. I know the hardest events are still to come but in this transition year I also find it freeing. Last year... Thanksgiving was horrifying... Christmas was peaceful and warm... and then the long goodbye with the medical care I had to administer that was difficult but necessary. The final goodbye was peaceful, warm, and loving but the roller coaster ride to that point was filled with emotional ups and downs that were staggering.